mY SeCreT CoNFesSiOnS. . .

Nightmares are so, disgusting. Everything is not real, yet they feel so real that you will have to go through everything, just like the way you would in real life. Tuesday i had a nightmare, the kind of nightmare that brings tear, such deep sorrow and for once, i could really feel sad and left me hopelessly abandoned. i cant descride how relieved i was, when i woke up in the middle of night, realising it was just a nigtmare maybe its time to tell how much love you have, for that certain someone.

First of all, Happy new year everyone!! Happy 2007!! May all
of you be more luckier and merrier!!hugz!! :p Have you made your new year
resolution for 2007? Coz its another brand new year. Seeing how fast time flies
really scares me sometimes hope this year would be a blast for everyone. Well
this year I didn’t join my friends for countdown on new year eve coz this year
I have to company someone special. Sorry buddies. Ok! No long, I have no
resolution to proclaim. I hardly realize them anyway just a few thing I hope to
see happening in the near future and some thing I want to do for the sake of
others, other than myself.

So…dear all frenz, Happy New Year Once again!!!

Cheerzzz………..

20 more minutes before i go bath..i was wondering why today so tired and just feel like wanna roll and roll on my bed hahaha…wholeday listening to cagnet’s "hear me cry"…its been quite some time since i lasr heard this song…wow!! damn damn damn relax..argh…got to bath le….nitenitez dardar!!

After work kenal cheat to go dinner at my old place with stupid xinying, jia sheng, robyn, leong and sven. The place I used to go with KD Irene and yokehui. Haha…ops…today is my dad’s bday kinda sad when I talk to him. Its been quite some time since I talk to my lovely sweet daddy. Happy birthday dad, many happy returns and may god bless my dad so that he will good health so that my dad can enjoy his life. I wanna take care of my mum and dad. I will give the best to both of them. I told my mum to tell my dad that I love him hahaha very shy to tell him :p My dad is really very very sweet..he listed down everything that he wanna bring me to eat when im back in msia. Hez very sweet and kind but when hez angry he will be damn damn fierce and when hez loud I will just burst out in tears….how I wish I could tell him sorry for the time when I made him angry when I was rude to him when I spoiled tons n tons of door lock coz of my bad temper. How I throw thing in the house but the nextday my dad will come to talk to me act as if there is nothing happen..he’s forgiving I love dad….miss ya!!!!

Day by day time running fast. Almost 3yers in Spore, go back msia bah haha…home alone I should go to set trap just like what Laut say J today woke up at 2.30pm I guess, saw ICE online its been few weeks never chat with her, only received her funny and caring email so just chat with her told her what really happened to me  from sad to happy thingys!! then stayed at home company my sister and edit wedding photo for her, do nothing other than eat, watch tv, online, sleep and then eat again..slack around the house ;p OMG its Saturday man. Very bad..gastric since yesterday sob sob sob…I keep on thinking the question from that HK movie “what is love” wow~ what a ciam question theres how many kinds of love there? Haha I also still seeking for the answer…I still don’t know the real meaning of love maybe its more than the meaning of like, with more caring more concern and so on..someone say that love is eternity is that true? Someone don’t even believe to love but im still trying to believe…..argh..almost 3am le but still cant sleep….hope that no more gastric pain for me after wake up…nitez…muazks!!

What a bad news!! Karen just called me and told me her cousin passed away today. News like this always make me feel so small, like nothing I ever did or felt can measure up to the knowledge & reality of dying, the feeling of it approaching you as you lie on the hospital bed that smells of death. I wonder what was going through her mind as she waited for her time to come, knowing full well her days were numbered. Her boyfriend? Maybe where she’d end up.. if there’s another world awaiting her? Or maybe she was too sick to think. It also makes me feel the urgency to reach out to more people, to get them to know Jesus! The mystery of death intrigues and disturbs me deeply. What happens to the person during the passing itself? Those few surreal seconds when life comes to a sudden halt and death snatches the reins from it? They seem like frozen moments encased in still time. I hope I die in my sleep when it’s my turn to go. :"(

Yeah, Everything is different..after my two off days, I have to continue my working life. I hate this but I’ve no choice. Although quite bored to trap at my sister‘s house, but I love to be in home. I love the warmth that appears every single minute. I love to listen to my sisters mumbling there, I love those although simple but delicious dishes cook by my sisters. I love the yowling of my sister’s daughter whenever my sister bully her….i love to hug my siao bao bei….everything everything I love them…

Happy Wedding to my beloved sister Sooli and Choon Hoe such a lovely couple. Oh..my sister is so~~”xin fu” coz therez only one word can describe my bro inlaw “PERFECT” Where is my Mr.Perfect?? Where Where Where…..is YOU la….the one who reading my blog hahaha…. Ops…to b continue…gtg muakz

When I pretend everything is what I want it to
be, I like exactly like what you always wanted to see. Im stealing second after
second just because I know I can but I cant pretend this the way it will stay
im just trying to bend the truth.

Seriously. . .i feel like im not me again. . . I
wonder how am I suppose to get used to this feeling. How should I handle this
feeling of mine. I always say I’ll be fine. . .i’ll get used to it. . .but did
I ever get used to it? I don’t know. . .so many things in my mind now but
sometimes I guess I don’t wanna tell everyone about it. I don’t know what
am I babbling here, I have so many things in my mind but just dont know how to put
it down somehow. . .

You know my morning alarm is my baby’s voice…
Muahaha. . . the alarm isn’t working maybe his voice isn’t
stern enough…he sound so nice and gentle!! Hearing it makes it harder for me to
get up…must ask for a FIERCE and STERN one hahaha….but he is never fierce to me
hehehe….
I was re-reading my post..i realized that I got so many old
post. I’m so lazy to read them all and I stop half way! I’m such a pig that’s
what he used to call me hehehe…Hm…do u believe in angels? Do I believe in angels? Or should
I say, should we believe in angels? Angels are depicted to be very saintly and
beautiful…they are supposed to be one who are guarding us, keeping us away from
harm, and looking over us…though I could say that I DO believe in angels, but
sometimes I question myself does angels really exist or are they just part of
the many, many myths which surfaced from centuries ago? I chose to believe in
angels coz believing in them makes me feel calm, happy, safe and there’s also a
feeling which I cant describe… make me look at the world in a beautiful way
everything seems so serene, peaceful and…heavenly! But believing in them
doesn’t mean that they believed in me…dear angels of mine, pls believe in me
and bless the many ppl around me…show her wat miracle is, show me miracle is…show
her that there is hope, show her that life is happy journey to walk though…give
her the strength and I’ll be more than happy to see the day you show her what
miracles are…cheerz up….my dear Catherine.