mY SeCreT CoNFesSiOnS. . .

Seriously. . .i feel like im not me again. . . I
wonder how am I suppose to get used to this feeling. How should I handle this
feeling of mine. I always say I’ll be fine. . .i’ll get used to it. . .but did
I ever get used to it? I don’t know. . .so many things in my mind now but
sometimes I guess I don’t wanna tell everyone about it. I don’t know what
am I babbling here, I have so many things in my mind but just dont know how to put
it down somehow. . .

You know my morning alarm is my baby’s voice…
Muahaha. . . the alarm isn’t working maybe his voice isn’t
stern enough…he sound so nice and gentle!! Hearing it makes it harder for me to
get up…must ask for a FIERCE and STERN one hahaha….but he is never fierce to me
hehehe….
I was re-reading my post..i realized that I got so many old
post. I’m so lazy to read them all and I stop half way! I’m such a pig that’s
what he used to call me hehehe…Hm…do u believe in angels? Do I believe in angels? Or should
I say, should we believe in angels? Angels are depicted to be very saintly and
beautiful…they are supposed to be one who are guarding us, keeping us away from
harm, and looking over us…though I could say that I DO believe in angels, but
sometimes I question myself does angels really exist or are they just part of
the many, many myths which surfaced from centuries ago? I chose to believe in
angels coz believing in them makes me feel calm, happy, safe and there’s also a
feeling which I cant describe… make me look at the world in a beautiful way
everything seems so serene, peaceful and…heavenly! But believing in them
doesn’t mean that they believed in me…dear angels of mine, pls believe in me
and bless the many ppl around me…show her wat miracle is, show me miracle is…show
her that there is hope, show her that life is happy journey to walk though…give
her the strength and I’ll be more than happy to see the day you show her what
miracles are…cheerz up….my dear Catherine.

Just hang up the phone with my dear Karen I haven’t
been seeing her nearly a year. Miss her heaps! Eight hours difference but I feel
she’s so near. Was talking to her for nearly two and the half hours. Wow!! My ears
were burning. hahaha…never realize we can yak that long. Hey babe thanks a lot for
your advice! Need those encouragement words now especially when im in an undecided
situation. Feel so relief after talking to you. Thanks for sharing your
experience with me. At least now I feel so much better and at least now I know
what are the preparation needs to be done.

But there’s nothing to write about. Actually there is
something, but its just nothing. Something is wrong. Maybe it is just not right
*crap* anyway will write down some crap before I going to sleep…feel like people
come, people go easily…be it family, partner, good friends, friends, sisters &
brothers. . .PPL COME…they make you smile, they make an impact, they shower you
with love and care, they teach you what fun is, they paint a rainbow in your
life, they share dreams and thoughts, they lend a helping hand, they see through
you flaws and faults, they listen, they open up your hearts, they give you
hope, they acknowledge your presence, they make your world seem beautiful, they
love you regardless of who and what you are…..then PPL GO…they left a scar in
you, they left behind bitter sweet memories, they thought you lesson, they left
for a better, they chose not to remember, they left you with unanswered
questions, they tell you that you are worthless, they do no appreciate, they
are ungrateful, they seek a new life, they cant forgive. . . .ppl come and goes
by easily. They come for reason and they leave for a reason…appreciate those
around, for they might just go within a blink of eye…

Woke up early, felt like shit..it was a total different
mood…im not sure whether something irked me while I was sleeping but feels like
shit now maybe I wanted to rest, but you were very persistent to wake me up
oh!! Damn…what a day…supposed to pop over to my friend’s house warming but
hell, my mood fucking me up…I just don’t wanna socialize with anyone so no
point going and showing how blackened my face is…as usual, isolating myself is
the best way when my mood swing hit me…maybe I do wanted someone to be here for
me, to console me…but I don’t think its such a good ideal neways probably you
wouldn’t be able to stand my depressing bad moodness at all and instead of
having one person in a bad mood, it will end up that you will be in a bad mood
as well, and that makes it two…I have always wondered why I get hit badly by
mood swings not that I wanna be in bad mood but *pops* its just there! It
will ruin my day, my plans and every other things..i wish I have someone to
cast a spell on me so that the horrendous mood swings wont ever attack me
again…haiz…there are too many things in life to thing about izzit true, as you
grow older, there are many more things that matter to you? I don’t know, I tend
to think to much..are you important to me anymore? Are you my true friend? I
don’t know, can I just pretend that everything is alright when I know its not?
Izzit a different you or me? Has my work lifestyle affected everything around
me? Too many questions and no answers to any of it… why is there in life that
you’re filled with questions? I don’t know again…..